05 May 2013


Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. ~ Deuteronomy 31:6

This verse popped up on my Facebook feed just before I decided to write this post. It struck a chord with me as we are preparing for a very long, very likely stressful day at NIH tomorrow. With the doctors ringing alarm bells over one data point that went the wrong direction.... it feels like November again. C is set for blood work, an EKG, a CT scan, and I can't remember what else. With all signs in our day to day life showing signs of improvement, this one PSA reading threatens to tear down all the healing and acceptance that we have built over the last couple of months.

The huge open wound that has hit our family has slowly been covered over the last few months by family, friends, baby T, schedules, and a marked improvement in C's pain. It has been scabbed over by the acceptance that we cannot control what has happened, but we can fight this through every avenue that presents itself. We can distract ourselves by living as normal a life as we can, finding joy in our time together as a family, and taking things as they come instead of anticipating them.

Tonight we take some comfort in our decision that tomorrow's tests will give more information on what the current state of my husband's health is as more information can only benefit us, we may even qualify for the study they have suggested, but we walk in with the plan of taking our time and not jumping head first into anything without careful consideration...... that our desire for my husband to be as much an anomaly in his recovery as he is in his diagnosis will not cloud our judgement or rush us to any decisions. I just pray that the tests prove the doctors wrong and that C is still on a good track with his current treatment, that we have more time to get used to our current normal before we have to shift gears once again.