Today marks one year since we received C's diagnosis of stage 4 prostate cancer. We have been blessed by friends and family who have held us up, stood by us, and stepped in when we have needed help. We have weathered the difficult side effects of the cancer and the treatments, confronted our fears, tried to find and hold on to hope where we see it.
With a year under our belt, there is a small sense of victory in that this time last year everything seemed helpless and dark. C has been progressing and finding his stride in tempering his treatments with returning to our "normal" life. Researching new treatments, diet, and finding a voice for the awareness of prostate cancer and the fact that it is no longer an "old man's" disease has given us encouragement to keep going. C had returned to normal work, back to fully involved Daddyhood..... even finding time to be back to DIY everything around the house. He was able to jump right in to Mr Mom gear when I had to have an emergency appendectomy and was hospitalized overnight.
We were set to travel to visit family and friends in TX who, through the beauty of the internet, have become strong supporters and prayer warriors. We were looking forward to thanking everyone in person and spending time with family who we haven't been able to see in a long time. C has felt pretty good overall, working with his doctors we have felt on more solid ground, and felt confident in our travel plans.
Then he coughed up a few small blood clots. Naively we hoped that this was an ENT issue that would be quickly resolved and we would still be on our way. The emotional roller coaster began again with the alarming discovery of nodules in C's lungs following a CT scan. A biopsy has confirmed they are malignant. And once again we are left wondering how, why, what, huh? Once again, completely symptomless (no hacking cough, chest pain, or difficulty breathing as is typical with cancer in the lungs), we are facing a new uncertainty of what this cancer is and how the treatments will affect him and our family.
We have already seen how this is becoming difficult for the girls. They had a rough time with the change of routine while Daddy spent a week in the hospital. K is asking more questions than ever, ones that I wish I had answers for. H is now waking in the middle of the night and wanting to climb into Mommy's bed for snuggles. T is still our beacon of joy, happily enjoying the bliss of ignorance to all that we struggle with.
It is a difficult blow that this is how we spend the anniversary of his diagnosis, once again waiting on biopsy results, praying they are wrong, and anxiously hoping the oncologist is able to start the right treatment right away. We are relatively sure chemotherapy will start shortly after Thanksgiving, but whether we go through a new study at NIH or here in Frederick is still in the air.
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