Roller Coaster

It's funny how I have one idea of what I want to write at the start of the week and by its end, my thoughts are so different. I tend to write my posts in my head before I commit them to "paper", I had this week's done until another curveball was thrown Thursday afternoon.

My original post was going to reflect on how my thoughts and opinions on other people's behavior had changed. How we see adults have temper tantrums all the time..... the crazy coupon lady going off at the checkout clerk at Wegman's, the customer who had something wrong with their meal taking it out on a waiter while out to dinner, and yes, those moms at the playground. I usually roll my eyes and ponder why they feel the need to overreact to what appears to be the smallest infraction, occasionally meeting the eyes of another who is probably wondering the same thing. Then while at our second visit to NIH this past Monday, I finally understood. A lady who was accompanying her parents, one of which was clearly the patient in need of the services offered there, was having a meltdown over getting an extended visitor badge. Lashing out at anyone and everyone she could, including her parents, she yelled "don't you understand?" To the man behind the counter. And yes, yes I did. Watching the reaction of the others nearby, they all did too. Dealing with everything we have, it has been all I can do not to be this woman, to keep it together especially in public. In that moment, I was thankful I was past that stage, or so I thought I was but after the return call from NIH, I want to have a temper tantrum of my own.

Things this week have been pretty good, C worked in the yard both days of the weekend.... Sunday's work was accompanied by friends helping and visiting. We drove down to NIH on Monday, followed by two days of him driving into the office..... without him having any real complications or pain flare ups. The doctor at NIH said everything was looking good and we scheduled a follow up for July. I started thinking of closer-by vacation spots that we might try to get away to this summer, thinking we may make it to TX to visit family for the holidays, I let my guard down and allowed myself to dream of a "normal" life....... then we get a call.

There was a small fluctuation, or what sounds small to me, in C's PSA numbers..... this time in the wrong direction. The doctor called, more concerned than we thought he should be over this single reading, now 1.49 from the 1.09 we had before. But apparently a change of that amount in just three weeks makes them want to look closer. So after riding the wave of calm, now we are back to more tests and scans, and waiting, and fear, and hope, and so the roller coaster takes up speed for another round.